Power games

Beyond any fancy and more or less metaphysical definitions (and I heard too many of these), BDSM is about playing. We play in a relatively safe environment with the power we have upon each other. We play by the rules, much more equitable and consensual than people are usually playing with their power in the vanilla world. Because there, the power games are officially taboo, swept under the rug, we pretend they don't exist so we use them on others without any warnings or rules. 
 
In SM, things are out in the open, the power balance in each relationship or session dynamic is known in every moment. No, I don't want to make the SM world seem idyllic. In practice, many rules are broken and you may find, like everywhere else, predators and innocent victims. On the other hand, the fact that we're openly talking about (temporary) power transfers as being the very essence of our games, it makes people much more aware of what is going on and of their rights in the game. Therefore, it's less likely to burn yourself if you know you'll deal with fire than if you have no idea, if you're aware of the fact that you must take care of your safety than if you aren't. 
 
As a natural dominant person I always played with my and others power  in all the ways and circumstances. Most of them were, of course, outside the SM scene. And I can't think of any circumstance in which you can really consensually play with power outside SM or, at least, the limits in between you are compelled to do it (for example in your relations with subordinates from your professional life or generally with inferiors) are quite narrow and unsatisfying. I don't necessarily find my dominant and sadistic side's satisfaction in sexually gratifying relationships, but this feature seems to add more intensity to the game and deepens the power transfer in ways that  we only hear about in descriptions of mystical experiences (of which I'm extremely skeptic anyway).
 
Usually things happen the other way around. Those who discover their BDSM inclination are doing it by finding its sexual gratification's side, they uncover it as a sexual orientation first and only after that, they learn about the power transfer foundation. Even more, generally when people have the revelation that power exchange is indissolubly connected to their sexually preferences, they tend to refute the idea, deny it, pretend that it doesn't exist. And they focus on the sexual side exclusively, refusing to accept the game as a balanced mix of both,  power and erotics, alike.
This is mostly about men, for whom is socially acceptable to have a strong sexuality, but not that acceptable to be submissive. Women have another path. They do discover in the same way, through their erotic fantasies, that they're into SM. But because it's socially unacceptable for them to have a prominent sexuality, most submissive females tend to immediately extract  the power exchange idea as being the main one and the sexual gratification as optional or unimportant . The dominant females have to assume the bitch status  as long as it’s not acceptable to have a strong sexuality and be "normal" in the same time, nor to involve in power transactions with men,  just for the sake of power.  
 
Bottom line, sex and power are indissolubly connected. In our world we can freely try one without the other, but if we want to go deep until the maximum intensity and to the concepts roots, most probably we'll have to accept that we can’t separate them. And even more, if we want to play with them, to experience them at their deepest intensity,  we must have a rules frame to keep us safe from abuse and accidents. Because as I was saying, if you want to play with fire without burning yourself, you have to be aware and prepared to play with fire, not lie to yourself that it might be just a little warmer outside, naively hoping that nothing bad will happen to you.

Comments

Wow mistress Lilse it's really so sophisticated and deep description of the power transfer theme ,you really described it in such interesting and attractive way by demonstrating the power games in terms of women and men perspectives.
It's one of the best posts I have ever read ,by enjoying ,imagining ,feeling and understanding each sentence.
Thanks you so much mistress appreciated.
Waiting to your next posts.

E.

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